Grief During The Holidays
To the griever:
“ Happy Holidays” and “It's the most wonderful time of the year” isn't always the case for everyone. Some are merely getting by, some are disassociating trying to forget that the Holidays are happening but their person isn't earthside, and some keep their head down and pretend everything is normal and that their feelings aren't seemingly spinning out of control. No matter where you fall in those categories, your feelings are valid. It's okay to feel sad and dull amongst the holiday cheer. You’re not alone.
Last year was the first year that the Holidays really felt like a punch in the gut. I found it extremely hard to have a smile and if I’m being vulnerable and honest, I even found myself in tears multiple times on Christmas day. It didn't feel right to smile when something was clearly missing. I felt like there was something wrong with me for feeling this way. But that isn't the case, which is why I’m writing this now.
There is peace in validating your emotions and knowing it's okay to feel however you need to feel especially around the holidays. It's okay to ask for grieving room and take a step back. It doesn't have to be the “most wonderful time of the year” It's okay to just be still and rest in the arms of Jesus.
With that being said, peace and joy can be found even on the hardest days this holiday season.
During the depths of my Holiday grief, I found peace in a few passages of scripture.
“ I am near to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit… I heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds” Psalm 34:16 & Psalm 147:3 — I think it's a common misconception that the Lord looks at us differently when we’re broken but that couldn't be farther from the truth. The Lord holds ME and YOU in our brokenness. He is our peace and our refuge. He doesn't shy away from our brokenness, He rushes to us with great love and comfort.
“ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” 2 Corinthians 4:8— One little thing that brought me comfort was simply shifting my gaze up. Looking up and knowing that my loved ones were safe, whole, and perfect in the arms of Jesus. I was consistently resting in knowing that I have eternity with my loved ones and Jesus and what's on this earth was simply fleeting and temporary
The Lord also says “This too shall pass”
And suddenly you’ll get through December
And He will use your season of heartache to draw closely to you.
Be gentle and kind with yourself this holiday season, rest with the Lord, take it easy, and feel whatever you need to feel. Peace will come, and you will make it through.
To the supporter:
Supporting someone in their grief can be complex and difficult. You do not want to say the wrong thing or overstep, so I’m here to share some helpful tips and simple things that I found comfort in as a griever during the Holidays.
1. “ Can I just sit with you?”
I will never ever forget the friends who said that to me the week of my loved one passing. They didn't want words from me or fancy explanations. They simply offered a space for me to sit and feel safe to feel whatever I needed to feel. This is a perfect example of a way to comfort a loved one this holiday season.
2. Reach out— send the text
Simply reaching out and letting someone know you’re thinking about them can make a big difference. Reach out to the friend you haven't talked to in a while, or the friend you talk to regularly, either way, this simple action can bring a smile to their face and make them feel less alone this holiday season.
3. Share stories about their loved one
Whenever you’re grieving, it's common to feel like your loved one has been forgotten. Asking questions about their loved one or sharing stories about them can remind the griever how loved they were and that they aren't overlooked or forgotten no matter how much time has passed.
Whether you’re the griever, the supporter, or both, I hope you found this helpful and can carry it with you throughout the holiday season! Everyone’s story is different, and everyone grieves differently, it’s also okay to not know what to do or how to respond. Take it easy and remember, that you never know what someone is going through, so at the least, just be kind.